7/10 Number 12 Restaurant, in Euston, treated me to an experience like no other. I’d heard from a fellow restaurant reviewer that Number 12, named after its address on a rather long strip of hotels, is a popular haunt for foodies and business types, serving great food at reasonable prices. To ensure a table, I booked some time in advance. From Euston station, my friend and I set off, in the snow, on our perilous journey in search of the said restaurant. According to our phone app directions, we had passed it. Retracing our snow prints, we reached our destination, a small and unimposing building attached to the hotel to which it belongs. I expected it to be teeming with life; instead, it was completely empty, soulless. This was a unique experience, one like no other. We asked our waiter if we were the only booking for the night. Yes. His excuse for lack of custom was the snow outside; people would rather stay at home or in their hotel rooms. I couldn’t help but be cynical. After all, Prezzo, a few minutes away, was packed. Number 12’s emptiness was rather disconcerting at first, but one soon got used to it, delighting in the privacy given us, with the exception of the penetrating gaze of the staff. Yet they weren’t so attentive as to notice our shivering. It was snowing outside, but was just as cold inside. All that toing and froing between kitchen and seating area must’ve made them insensible to the chill to which we’d been subjected. Try as I might, I could not convey to them the fact that we were cold; I shivered and I cupped my hands around my mouth and blew loudly, in a feeble attempt to warm them. I even went so far as to suspend them over the table candle. Perhaps I should have asked for my coat to really drill in the message. Our food soon came and warmed us up – perhaps their not upping the temperature was an attempt to force us to appreciate the warmth and comfort of the food served to us. They needn’t have bothered to resort to such devious tactics. The food alone was good enough to raise us to the heights of appreciation and admiration. To start, I had the Dorset crab linguine with a tomato and chilli sauce, topped with basil. The sauce packed a punch, but I could taste neither chilli nor the subtle flavour of crab. It was slightly disappointing. I couldn’t resist digging into my friend’s dish of goat’s cheese and beetroot. The cheese was cloyingly rich and wonderful, sticking to the roof of my mouth, and the earthiness of the beetroot added both texture and flavour. Equally successful was her main, fish pie. It was creamy and filled with scallops, prawns and salmon, lending the dish some bite. I had the chargrilled Italian wild boar sausages with polenta cream; the sausages were chunky and seasoned with various herbs and the polenta soft and velvety. The balsamic pearl onions, braised fennel and thyme jus elevated the dish from good to great. In this dish, the chef exhibits his great talent of balancing sweet and sour, as well as his ability to deliver big flavours. The desserts were as successful. The chocolate fondant was delectably rich; its gooey centre erupted when pierced, and mixed with the scoop of vanilla ice-cream sitting on top, offering a balance of hot and cold. The panettone pudding was light and sweet; rather than crème anglaise (custard to you and me), it was served with a white chocolate sauce, adding a subtler flavour. The pistachios added crunch and the hint of cinnamon another level of sweetness and spice. This mix of big and delicate flavours certainly made up for the linguine’s lack of subtlety. The service was great. Despite not being so receptive to hints, members of staff were personable and attentive as regards food and wine, to be expected, given the emptiness of the restaurant. However, the décor was slightly dull, making me experience a strong sense of déjà vu upon being seated; was I on a ferry en route to Calais? Overall, it was an enjoyable evening. The talented chef Charles Holtz and his team offer fine dining which is at the same time hearty and substantial. The menu is varied, with a range of dishes from both Britain and Italy. Critics may see Number 12 as a restaurant struggling to find its identity. But I feel that Holtz’s reconciliation of these flavours has enabled him to construct an identity different from his competition. There are a few flaws, namely its location and interior decoration. The magnificence of nearby hotels overshadows it and the restaurant’s sign does little to stamp its presence. Moreover, its name does not contribute to its desire for individuality. If Number 10 Downing Street were to open a restaurant, I doubt they’d call it Number 10. A good name does wonders for a restaurant; The Fat Duck or Hedone, for example. Nevertheless, the greatness of the food redeems these flaws; I wouldn’t say no to a return visit. £77 for 2, including 2 glasses of wine.
The Gargantuan Gastronome
A collection of insightful and incisive reviews of restaurants
Sunday 5 February 2012
Number 12 Restaurant
Monday 2 January 2012
Les Associés, Crouch End
6/10 £114 for 2. Arabella Weir, reviewing Les Associés for the Guardian in 2005, asserts that despite its rather uninspiring ‘1980s paint job and Highland décor,’ its ‘unpretentious, high-quality food’ made it a pugilist able to do battle with the finest French restaurants in London. 7 years on, is Les Associés still the in its golden age? Faced with the question of how to spend New Year’s Eve, I decided to shun the many options available and simply eat out. My date, Ruth, scoured the internet for decent, local restaurants. She stumbled upon Les Associés, read several reviews, including the aforementioned one and, since its website is rarely updated, called the restaurant to ask for more information than opening times and Le Menu du Dimanche. The restaurant was offering a competitive £40 (per person) set meal of 4 courses plus cheeses. Happy with this, she booked a table for 8pm. 8.10 and we were still looking for the restaurant. A quick look at a mobile app told me that we were to leave Crouch End and walk some distance along a desolate, and spooky, road. At 8.20, we arrived. Late (if you hadn’t worked that out). I had visions of a busy restaurant, a rather petulant host rushing to the front, contorting his face into a look of disgust at our inability to be punctual and turning us away because he’d donated our table to someone else. Instead, we were greeted with a smile and, since the restaurant was half full, given a choice of tables. A suitably sweet Kir Royale and half a glass of red wine later, the first course arrived. A slab of fois gras with a salad. It was fatty and stringy, not smooth and rich in flavour – indications of its low quality. I wasn’t surprised given the cheapness of the menu. The vinaigrette was rather nice, a mixture of sweet and sour that managed to compensate for the little flavour of the fois gras. The second course was nearly faultless; a trio of fish, salmon, mackerel and cod coated in a creamy but slightly bland sauce. Equally impressive was the third course, chicken with a lovely crown of parsnip crisps, which provided texture, and a medley of glazed vegetables. The presentation was sophisticated and the taste pleasant. I’ve two complaints, though. One is much smaller than the other. Let’s begin with the bigger one. The dish lacked a rich and thick jus to bring all the flavours together. Instead there was a dribble of sauce. Obviously, the chef de cuisine is not an Escoffier disciple. This restaurant that purports to be a French restaurant deserves eternal condemnation – I say this in jest. My other, inconsiderable, complaint is that the chicken was slightly overcooked. The dish, nonetheless, was great. The dessert, ice cream with a mint infused strawberry coulis, was slightly less impressive. The texture of the ice cream was icy, and its honey flavour too subtle. However, the flavoursome coulis and the wonderful honey pastry parcel easily redeemed the dessert. The service was attentive, but not overly so. The waiter has mastered the skill of surreptitiously hovering, and refilled the bread basket as soon as the last roll had been eaten. The proprietor was also on hand to help out, a charming presence. It wasn’t very busy. If busier would service suffer? Perhaps. The duo felt comfortable seeing to 5 tables. Any more and they’d be flustered, panting and sweating. The lack of custom is due, in large part, to the unclean state of the restaurant. It’s like an extension of the road, dirty and squalid. One expects its seedy underbelly to show itself any moment. It’s a terrace house that’s been lazily converted into a restaurant. I felt like I was in someone’s front room. Defenders may argue that this is part of its charm; one goes there for hearty food cooked by a real French matriarch, rather than those charlatans working in London kitchens. I disagree. The atmosphere was gloomy, and the décor did little to enliven it. It lacked the gaiety one would expect on New Year’s Eve, merely depressing one into submission. Perhaps the drab decorations were a ploy to sell more wine. One needed a few glasses to forget where one was. Les Associés opened in 1989 but sadly it hasn’t moved on. It proclaims to be a ‘traditional French restaurant’ yet bears little resemblance to the traditional bistros of France. It becomes clear that the word ‘traditional’ for the proprietor of Les Associés means old and established. Others, such as Michel Roux Jr, create new dishes in accordance with tradition: ‘The meals remain works of art but they are lighter, more modern versions of the classic French haute cuisine that Le Gavroche is famous for’ (Le Gavroche website). Les Associés, with its grimy interior and filthy loos, is in need of modernisation. The fact that it hasn’t improved since Mrs Weir reviewed it suggests that it cares little about improvement. As the ‘traditional’ food was very tasty, I am by no means saying that Les Associés should throw in the towel. But it’s equally difficult to sing its praises. It languishes in its bronze age.
Monday 19 December 2011
Pappagone Pizzeria, Finsbury Park
5/10 Pappagone, an independent pizzeria in Finsbury Park, is an Italian peninsula boot to the face. Even at 9pm, the time of our booking, the pizzeria was packed. It was so busy that we could not move to the bar; instead we stood like sardines in front of the entrance, and grimaced when more people wanted to come in. One customer, observing the multitude pushing and shouting to catch the barman’s attention, said she felt she was in a nightclub. She was right. Like its customers, who all seemed full, Pappagone needed to undo its belt and disgorge a few customers, so that these punters blocking the bar area, including my party of eight, could be seated. At 9.15pm we were shown to our table. Most of the waiters at Pappagone were friendly, if slightly loud. But our waitress was incredibly rude and incompetent. She had little patience, missed orders and on several occasions failed to notice our desperate cries for her attention. I had two starters, scallops and Melanzane alla Parmigiana. Both were edible. The scallops did not have that sear that one would expect in a restaurant, and needed a sauce. With the lack of sear, the greasy and mushy courgettes that accompanied them, the dish lacked texture and flavour. Similarly, the Melanzane was bland, lacking garlic and basil. Instead it was slathered in cheese. Having eaten at several pizzerias, it seems pizzeria chefs endorse the vain idea that ‘cheese will please’ – oodles of cheap parmesan will add flavour or at least hide the lack of it. The dish was one-dimensional, bearing a striking resemblance to those microwave meals one finds in a supermarket. We also ordered two garlic breads, which packed a garlic punch, but one was thin and crispy, as it should be, and the other burnt on the outside and soggy in the middle. Already, Pappagone is drowning in the puddle of abomination, the puddle of inconsistency, the puddle in the middle of its garlic bread. Even less impressive was the calzone I ordered for main. It looked like a deflated rugby ball and tasted like one – I assure you that this is not an exaggeration and I also assure you that I’m not a man who makes a habit of eating rugby balls; I have never eaten a rugby ball but the comparison still stands. The calzone was mostly dough and had little filling and, with its stringy cheese and stubborn pepperoni, had a most unpleasant rubbery texture. I was not happy. I looked sideways at my father who seemed equally unhappy, and who seemed to be battling with the steak he had ordered. I am not sure who won. At the time, the steak, but given his toned jaw the next day, I am not so sure. Everyone else enjoyed their pizzas – the pizza polletto seemed most appealing, and I was told it tasted as good as it looked. Pappagone’s food is slightly suspect, but its desserts are fantastic. I had banoffee pie with pistachio gelato (not ice-cream), which was absolutely divine. The gelato was as good as that in Italy, and the pie was heaven on a plate. The two made an award winning combination. The gelato is this pizzeria’s saving grace, it is creamy, rich and indulgent. I soon found out that the gelato, which is so good and authentic that it could be found in an Italian Gelateria, is actually imported from Italy. That the pizzeria orders it from Italy suggests that it is willing to go that extra mile for quality. I commend you Pappagone. Equally great is the atmosphere (if slightly cramped), which lends Pappagone its charm. And the décor is pleasant, it does not move me, but it suffices. On its website, Pappagone proclaims to be a ‘restaurant and pizzeria.’ One must never conflate the two, unless the food served in the establishment is restaurant quality, which usually is not the case. Pappagone serves Italian dishes to provide variety for customers. But the food it dishes up is just as expensive as that served in Italian restaurants. And its food is no better than the ‘chain restaurant,’ Bella Italia, lacking that all important Italian touch needed in an independent Italian restaurant. Pappagone is a terrible ‘restaurant’ but a good, if inconsistent pizzeria. One goes there for a decent pizza, a great gelato and the buzzing atmosphere, but little else.
Saturday 26 November 2011
Bella Italia
2/10 Bella Italia, a well established chain serving mediocre Italian food, started and nearly ended my relationship. Bella Italia. I took my girlfriend there on our first date, in Cambridge. It was good, and that we are still together is largely due to this experience. Though I suspect it was not so much the food, which was OK, as the chemistry we shared, and the kiss at the end of the night. As a confirmed couple, a few months later, we returned, hoping to order a takeaway pizza that we could eat whilst walking beside the river Cam. We were disappointed. The waitress behind the counter lamented the absence of cheese and takeaway pizza boxes. A pizzeria/restaurant without cheese and takeaway boxes? She insisted that we could still have our pizza, if we were prepared to compromise, that is, have a cheeseless pizza to eat in. No thanks. So when, in London, the said girlfriend suggested that we go to Bella Italia, I was slightly wary. Let me explain. I was in a predicament, with which, I am absolutely certain, you will identify. It was late in the evening and I could no longer avoid my stomach’s cries. But I did not know where to eat. A voice dives through the air and bombs into my ears. ‘We could go to Bella Italia,’ my girlfriend suggests, as we stood outside its Leicester Square branch. This is not to say that it was her fault. We were in London. We could go to any other restaurant. Or indeed, any other chain. But then the thoughts, in a seemingly logical flow, arose: we are students with little money to spend. And there are Bella Italia vouchers available on the internet that we can use giving us 50% off the total bill. The latter point clinched it. Having printed off the voucher, we made tentative steps towards the restaurant. We were shown to a table for two. This table was so small that it could only comfortably fit one. I know my name is gargantuan gastronome, but I assure you, I am but a slim chap – I hope you will appreciate the irony. So I kindly asked to be seated at another, larger table, that is, a table for four. And as the restaurant was not busy, I did not think this an absurd request. I would like to say that within minutes we were shown to one of the many empty tables for four. But it was more like ten minutes. After much faffing about, we were shown to a bigger table. I finally felt at ease to study the restaurant. It is like a traditional trattoria – slightly dated. But one could argue that this is part of its charm. I disagree. After the table incident, the atmosphere felt slightly awkward and one could tell that the waiters and waitresses were feigning their smiles. Awkward. To start I ordered the meatballs and for main, stuffed roasted peppers. A small dish was placed before me, and judging from plops of brown balls, I astutely guessed this was my meatball dish. Visually, it was unappealing. Taste-wise, OK. Rather like the meatball sandwich one finds in Subway. The meatballs were drenched in a sickly sauce, made even worse by the melting mozzarella sat on top, which copulated with the sauce engendering a taste so foul that I almost fainted, metaphorically. The next dish was much better. But, before I can move onto this dish, I must express a fact followed by a complaint. My girlfriend is a vegetarian. I often complain about this, but this is not my qualm. This is my complaint: having ordered a vegetarian pizza, she thought it a slap in the face when the waitress placed in front of her a chicken salad. Doh. The waitress kindly removed the dish, and went into the kitchen at which point, I assume, she asked for what my girlfriend actually ordered, a vegetarian pizza. By the time the pizza arrived, I had already eaten my dish. So much for eating out together. This pizza, incidentally, was slightly undercooked. The peppers – two, to be precise – were stuffed with risotto. The rice was al dente, just the way I like it. A nice salad accompanied the peppers and its citrus dressing nicely offset the stodginess of the risotto. Overall, a good dish. Service was efficient, what I would expect from team of ten working in an empty restaurant, but this did not redeem the many faults that occurred during our meal. Why did I come here? My girlfriend suggested it. And knowing the principle that men must be obsequious to the whims of their other halves, I went with it. But this was nearly at the cost of our relationship. We had our first date in a Bella Italia and it looked like we were going to have our last in one. The £20 bill saved the relationship, just.
Tuesday 22 November 2011
SOJO in Oxford
3/10 If Giles Coren, the notable food critic, favourably reviews a restaurant it must be good. No questions asked. When I started to read his review of the restaurant, SOJO, in Oxford, feeling as a wearied traveller feels when consulting an oracle, I felt in good hands. That Mr Coren focuses on a cricket game that he played earlier more than the restaurant itself is irrelevant, it merely suggests that he had worked up a large appetite. And that it was sated is indeed testament to a good restaurant, surely. What should we learn from this? Not that Mr Coren plays cricket. Rather, that whatever he says goes. So, as I entered SOJO in Oxford, as a student with a stomach unsatisfied by college hall food, I expected good food and decent service. I was so wrong. Neither was up to scratch, and I found myself cursing Coren, speculating as to the reasons that induced him to give this restaurant a glowing review. My girlfriend and I were seated in the most abrupt manner possible, a shove and a grunt. It was as if we were intruding, as though we were not welcome. The hostile stares from the staff seemed to confirm this. One of the waiters came over to our table and tossed a (yes one, not two) menu onto it. Within minutes he returned expecting to take our order. I told him that I liked chicken and wished to have a dish that deviated from the norm (sweet and sour chicken) and asked what I should have. One expects, justifiably, a waiter to have some knowledge of the menu given out in the restaurant he or she works in,
so that the waiter can recommend dishes that a customer might like.
That is not to say that I expect the waiter to have an encyclopaedic
knowledge of, say, Asian cuisine, but rather that a simple suggestion,
having listened to what a customer likes and dislikes, might be
appropriate. Instead of recommending a dish that might tickle my fancy,
he retuned my eager enquiry with a look of complete vacuity. After some
time – obviously he was deeply thinking about the best dish for me – he
responded by pointing to a random dish in the chicken section of the menu.
I went with it, and my girlfriend went for a tofu dish. The food arrived within ten minutes, incredible timing, we thought. But, the food was so quick for a reason, that is, it was likely thrown into oil, cooked quickly and then thrown onto dishes, which in turn were thrown onto our table. The food was greasy, the sauces, the rice and noodles were oily, and looked as if all had been cooked in one pan. Not only were the dishes visually unappealing, but also offensive to one’s taste buds. I paid the forty pound bill, begrudgingly, and vowed never to return. On my way back to my room, hand in hand with my girlfriend, I enquired whether or not our experience was an exception and that perhaps if I were to go on another night the food would be better. But the thought soon occurred to me that consistency is a culinary virtue.
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